Military Memories 2

My father was in the Army and served in Vietnam. Even in high school I would read books about Vietnam and biographies from platoon leaders during that conflict. Finally, after my first deployment, I felt as if I could understand some little scrap of what he went through. It was something, but not enough...

Southeast and Southwest

Similar -

but vastly different

You went your way;

I went mine

Southeast Asia -

No choices;

no support

Three tours -

such a long time

Making changes;

some you saw then and some now

Southwest Asia -

I asked to go;

support is waning

Sixty days -

not long enough

Making changes;

using what I've learned

to prepare for the next time.

Military Memories

Veteran's Day is tomorrow...

I have so many memories, good and bad, of my time in the Air Force. Below is one of the ways I set some of those memories to paper...

Coming Home

Dog tags chanting in the wind -

M-60s pointing at the wire

Tents placed in rows -

uniforms and civies hung side by side

Favorite shows watched again and again -

painting a picture of endless possibilities

M*A*S*H and China Beach -

someone else's ideas; a dream made real

Doing something important -

something to be proud of

Set apart from others -

by location and sense of duty

A wish to serve -

to go where others won't

Sunsets over sand dunes -

foreign tongues and customs

The sense of deja vu -

finally coming home...

Something Diferent

I don't talk about my faith very much. Probably because I don't feel I have the right (lest people throw stones) nor do I want to make others uncomfortable with their own choices. However, since Theme Thursday is all about opening myself up (and perhaps thickening my skin) I offer you something different today.

A Song For the Father

I sing for Your mercy -

I sing for Your glory -

I sing for Your power, my God.

Lord, I sing a song of praise for You,

a song of praise You long to hear -

rushing from my lips to Your waiting ears.

Lord, You are my God, the one and only Rock.

I bask in Your love and forgiveness -

knowing that You, my Father, are here.

Lord, I sing a song of praise for You.

Praise for Your wisdom, truth and hope -

Father, I want to come home.

Masks

The idea of wearing a mask seems to be very similar to the idea of wearing different hats. We all wear different hats at different times, depending on where we are, what we are doing or what is expected...are masks so very different?

The Mask

Unhappy and unfulfilled -

living a life for show

worried about appearance -

fear of falling short

wondering what others think -

trying to measure up

losing the will -

then pushing on

not letting go -

stubborn pride

afraid of being a failure -

recognition masking truth.

Seeing is Believing

This is a little more "personal" than some of the others...written in October 1997...

Seeing is Believing

I see what I want to see,

even when it's not there...

I see friendship,

then learn it's an acquaintance -

I see interest,

then learn it's only boredom -

I see truth,

then learn the darkness of deception -

I see joy,

then learn what it means to be shunned -

I see what I need to see,

evading loneliness and fear for one more day...

Addicted to Time

This was written over 12 years ago...unfortunately, it seems we are even more tied to the clock than we were back then...

Addicted to Time

Addicted to time - 

No one must wait

Live by the clock -

Be the first to the gate

Time won't stand still -

Pages are turned

Keep an eye on your watch -

This addiction you've earned

The promotion you worked for -

Brings more than you thought

Your life passes by -

As you watch the clock.

The Rose

For this week's Theme Thursday...let me know what you think.

The Rose

A single rose -

wilted and bent

The vibrant life inside -

all but gone

Fighting to survive - 

questioning the need

Dried and wrinkled petals -

more delicate in their haunting beauty than ever before

Beauty brought about through pain -

the pain of loss with memories of joy

A single rose -

wilted and bent

Worth more for its age -

than a dozen in their youth.

Sharing Thoughts

I've been debating for the last couple weeks if I want to keep sharing my poems...I'm torn. I feel as if by posting them, I'm at least doing something - putting them out there into the world instead of hoarding them. However, when you share something you're very proud of and get no response, it's a bit of a blow...I guess I knew it might be tough from the beginning when I talked about my thin skin. We'll see if by continuing to post, I can make it a bit thicker...

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts - 

meaningless to anyone other than me

Would that change - 

if they knew what it all meant?

Would they take the time to see me -

in all the words?

Will I ever have the courage to share -

knowing I won't be able to explain, even if I could?

Random thoughts -

my life on paper

Fears, hidden in words -

dreams, revealed with care.

The Reward

I wrote the following in the spring of 1999. I don't remember what was going on at the time, just that I was starting to feel like an old maid...

The Reward

A memory lasts

in the mind and it's dreams - 

Adding it's texture

as a rock in a stream

Care must be taken

if it isn't to fade -

A key to the future;

a toll that's been paid

Look back to the visions,

the memories you've stored - 

Remember them fondly, 

they are aging's reward.

Strands of a Web

I'm not sure if this is exactly a "poem" but it's something I've written, so I'm posting it here for Theme Thursday. 

Strands of a Web

memories fill my mind until I can think of nothing else -

I think about things I've done and decisions I've made -

wondering how I ever thought they were for the best -

just as time changes our lives, it changes our perception -

of what our lives were or what might have been -

we see things more clearly and begin to understand -

how actions and decisions molded our lives -

decisions and events become strands of a silken web -

that over time grows in size and strength -

adding beauty and color to our lives -

silently threatening to trap us -

within the memories of what life once was.

I wrote this in October of 1997 - about 16 months after graduating from the Academy and two months after moving from Recruiting in PA to Aircraft Maintenance in NJ. 

Palm of Tomorrow

I've gone back and forth with myself ever since I wrote the post last Thursday saying I'd share my poetry. Now, I know I only have two or three readers so it really shouldn't make a difference if I share something uber-personal or not. I've only shown my poetry to a handful of people so it's hard to break out of that and "put it all out there." Plus, as I've mentioned before, I'm not sure I have the thick skin needed to withstand harsh critiques of my most personal writing....

Despite all of that, I'm pressing on, thin skin or not. I wrote this on August 21st, 1991. Classes were probably about to start following 9 weeks of summer programs (SERE, Summer Ac, and CONUS for me). I would have been moving into my new squadron meeting all new people. I'm not sure what else to say about the time frame or what I might have been thinking at the time...Do you even want to know the background or prefer to read it "blind?"

The Palm of Tomorrow 

Ghosts - 

floating in and out of consciousness

Memories - 

of days locked in the past.

Keys -

thought lost, or

purposefully misplaced

Suddenly jingling in a dust filled corner.

Pain and anger - 

heating the metal to a crisp, red heat

Burning its imprint on the palm of tomorrow.

Drawn by the wizard of confusion - 

tumblers fall open, followed by relief

Spirits of tomorrow -

cower unseen, hidden by abrupt flashes of contentment

Balancing on the shoulders of thinly veiled hope.

Theme Thursday

So, I'm trying something new.

One of the things I talk about quite a bit is wanting to have a plan or some kind of routine. I figured one good place to start is with this blog.

I usually just write based on what I'm thinking about or feeling in a particular moment on a particular day. While I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I've also found it leads my posts to be all over the place. I'm hoping if I have some sort of a plan maybe it will come together a bit better.

One of the things I'm most interested in is writing - hence the blog. But I'm interested in all sorts of writing, and not just my own. I love reading, I love talking about books, I love collecting quotes...and of course I love writing. So, I thought I would start doing "Theme Thursday."

As you may remember from school when you were assigned writing themes - this particular word is not just about a "theme of a play" or something like that. According to the Thesaurus a "theme" is a piece of writing, blurb, commentary, story, think piece, etc. Sounds exactly like what I want to write about and now I know when to do it. Plus, if I do want to have a better explanation for "Theme Thursday" (based on any vague or blank looks based on the other definition of Theme) all I need to say is "Literature is the theme"...because it is...

I've been thinking about doing some kind of book review in addition to tracking the books I read. I've also thought about posting some of the poems I've written. I've collected quotes for a long time and have quite a few of them. I've thought about writing some kind of book using all the quotes I've got - why not start with some blog posts? Lots and lots of juicy ideas waiting to be written down...

If I like the way "Theme Thursday" is going, I might move on to one or two of the other days. Who knows? Let's see how this goes first...let me know what you think.