Military Memories 2

My father was in the Army and served in Vietnam. Even in high school I would read books about Vietnam and biographies from platoon leaders during that conflict. Finally, after my first deployment, I felt as if I could understand some little scrap of what he went through. It was something, but not enough...

Southeast and Southwest

Similar -

but vastly different

You went your way;

I went mine

Southeast Asia -

No choices;

no support

Three tours -

such a long time

Making changes;

some you saw then and some now

Southwest Asia -

I asked to go;

support is waning

Sixty days -

not long enough

Making changes;

using what I've learned

to prepare for the next time.

Military Memories

Veteran's Day is tomorrow...

I have so many memories, good and bad, of my time in the Air Force. Below is one of the ways I set some of those memories to paper...

Coming Home

Dog tags chanting in the wind -

M-60s pointing at the wire

Tents placed in rows -

uniforms and civies hung side by side

Favorite shows watched again and again -

painting a picture of endless possibilities

M*A*S*H and China Beach -

someone else's ideas; a dream made real

Doing something important -

something to be proud of

Set apart from others -

by location and sense of duty

A wish to serve -

to go where others won't

Sunsets over sand dunes -

foreign tongues and customs

The sense of deja vu -

finally coming home...

Appreciating Veterans

Lately, there have been a lot of articles written about how to "Thank a vet" on Veteran's Day. I even read an article that implied thanking a veteran for their service was a bad thing. The article turned out not to be as bad as I expected but I think part of it was poor choice of words for the title. (You can read the article here. Interestingly, the title has been changed from "When 'Thank you for your service' falls flat" to "For Veterans, is 'thank you for your service' enough? Big difference).

I never really knew what to say when people thanked me for my service. I felt I was just doing my job - and maybe not even doing enough when I was stateside instead of "in the AOR" or the front lines. I think of all the answers I've heard to being thanked my two favorites are a simple "Thank you for your support" and "It's my privilege to serve."

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There are numerous organizations out there where veterans can find support. There are actually so many it's sometimes hard to figure out where to go or who to turn to. It's also hard to figure out which are for real and which may be scams. I had hoped that the Joining Forces initiative would help address some of these issues (see previous post here). However, Joining Forces doesn't seem to be focusing on what is already available and is instead focused on creating job opportunities for veterans and getting big names from Hollywood to make their commercials. If part of their mandate is to "give service members and their families the support they've earned" wouldn't it make sense to create some kind of clearing house kind of thing where people can go and see what all is available for them? 

The only place I've seen anything like that is at Operation Homefront Missouri, where they try to help people figure out which organization or service best fits their needs. Unfortunately, it is more of a local level thing. I had hoped "Joining Forces" would do the same thing on a national level. Maybe they have a plan for it? Might have been good to start with that in my opinion...

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One of my recent pet peeves is how a lot of the new veteran organizations (sometimes even the old ones) specify that they are here specifically for Iraq and Afghanistan vets. Now, I know there are a lot of them. I also know they they have a lot of issues including a high unemployment rate and high rate of homelessness. However, I am not a vet of either Iraq or Afghanistan. But I did deploy for SOUTHERN WATCH and ALLIED FORCE. Does my service not count because no one remembers those missions? That's sure what it seems like...

I may not need the same help that some of the men and women returning from Iraq or Afghanistan do, but telling me (and thousands of others) that we don't qualify for aid because we served in a different part of the world or at a different time doesn't seem quite right either. Is it wrong of me to think that way? I'm not saying there shouldn't be something just for them, just as we have organizations for Vietnam Vets and Korean War Vets. But, why does it seem as if so many of the new organizations established to help and/or support veterans specifically say "for Iraq and/or Afghanistan" vets? Where is the support for the "I served but didn't deploy for any of the high-visibility stuff" veterans?
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Well, I don't want to get any deeper into my pet peeve for fear that I'll start sounding like an ignorant dufus...I love my country; I love that I served and wish I could have done more; I love that people out there support the troops and our veterans..that's all that really matters in the end.

Lucky Me

Earlier tonight I was reading some posts on the SpouseBuzz Blog and one of them really touched my heart. It had a link to a song video by Helene Cronin. The SpouseBuzz post originated with the Soldier's Angels blog.

The song is called "Lucky Me". The SpouseBuzz blog had some history: "The song is a true story based on Helene’s trip back from Nashville. Standing at the counter at the airport, she happened to strike up a conversation with the soldier standing near her.  He mentioned he was headed back to Iraq and asked where she was going.  “I'm going home,” she said.  “Lucky you,” he replied."

I've listened to the song three or four times now and every time it hits my heart. As you know, I served in the Air Force for 10 years. During that time I deployed several times. I volunteered for every deployment I could. I loved being deployed; I loved feeling like I was finally doing what I signed up for. Every time an aircraft launched, I knew I had done my small part in making that operation a success and protecting the freedoms we enjoy as Americans. I know that sounds cheesy but that's what got me out of bed and kept me going.

I was assigned to Lajes Air Base in the Azores when 9/11 happened. I was doing turnover with my replacement at the time so there was quite a bit of overlap between the two of us as to who was helping to support our efforts when the aircraft began pouring through. There were a few times before I left that I felt left out of the "action." I was the one with the experience but the Director of Operations felt I should be concentrating on out processing. I understand what he was thinking but still wish he had let me make that decision. I moved on to Ramstein AB Germany where we were considered forward-deployed so we  only supported the fight from there. After 22 months at Ramstein I went to the Pentagon for the AF Intern Program. Once again, I was not allowed to deploy. By 2005, I was at Andrews AFB, MD; again, assigned to a non-deployable unit.

I write out this history of assignments to show that I never participated in either IRAQI FREEDOM or ENDURING FREEDOM. And I really wanted to. All of the other deployments and operations I participated in were not so closely tied to really protecting what we, as the United States, stand for. I'm very proud of what I did and accomplished while in uniform but I wish I had been able to do more. 

I realize I am very lucky that I never had to go to either Iraq or Afghanistan. Yet, when I listen to the song "Lucky Me", especially the words towards the end "Freedom comes at a heavy price; we don't all pay our equal share or know what it's like over there. Lucky us, the ones at home while others go to the battle zone; they are the brave, we are the free..."it makes me sad that I didn't pay anywhere close to my equal share and that I don't know what it's like "over there."

Back in 2003, I was at a course at the George Marshall Center. One night, we went to the symphony in Vienna. That same night, my brother was in Iraq with the 3rd Infantry Division. I remember the music made me so sad I started crying. All I could think of is that all I had ever wanted was to serve my country, yet I was having the time of my life and it was my little brother who was at war. I've never forgotten that.

I am lucky. I know that. And it would be very hard for me to deploy now with a husband and son. I am lucky there are still people out there willing to fight and die so that I can enjoy the freedom to sleep in my own bed in my own home with my husband next to me and son down the hall (and sometimes vice versa...). I am lucky I had the opportunity to serve my country at all and was happy to do it. 

I just sometimes wish I could have done more...

Three Thursday Thoughts

1. My little sister had her baby yesterday. The baby was almost 8.5 pounds! Very exciting stuff...I can't wait to meet her but it looks like it will be July before I get back down to KY...We've got quite a lot of stuff going on the next few weeks...so a 10 hour round trip for a couple days isn't really in the cards. I'll be in KY for about a week in July anyway so it seems as if it'd be better to wait until then so I get some real quality time with my sister and her two daughters...

2. I've been reading Marion Chesney's Edwardian Murder Mystery series. It's pretty good though not as good as her Hamish Macbeth or Agatha Raisin series...I started with the Hamish Macbeth series after a friend recommended it and then moved on to Agatha Raisin for a while. I started the new series because I am missing two of the Hamish books (I got the rest really cheap on eBay) so am waiting to read the others until I get those two...In the meantime, I also finished reading a biography about Alice Roosevelt Longworth and Volume 1 of the Complete Sherlock Holmes, both of which I really enjoyed. I'm about a third of the way through Gulliver's Travels but I'm just not taking to it so I keep putting off picking it back up again...I already told my husband that I'd like Volume II of the Sherlock Holmes for my birthday or Christmas. I enjoyed Sherlock much more than I thought I would...though I've always loved mystery stories...even as a little girl some of my favorite books were Nancy Drew and those books where you could pick the outcome - I don't remember what they were called...

3. My husband handed me an article yesterday he thought I might enjoy and turned out I loved it. One of the magazines we receive is "Military Money Magazine" which we get because I'm a member of the National Military Family Association. The article was Sarah Smiley's "Shore Duty" column. I occasionally read her column because she has a lot to say about being a military spouse though I had missed this one. The article was essentially a review of a documentary called "The Way We Get By." It's mainly about three residents of Bangor, Maine who, along with many others, are unofficial greeters for American troops passing through the airport. What really struck me about this article was the fact that I myself have benefited from these greeters at Bangor. Back in 1998, I was headed out for my first deployment as a 2nd Lt. We went to Bangor because we were flying the rest of the way to the UAE with the "Mainiacs" and one of their KC-135s. We got there late and it was already dark. There were only about three or four of us and the airport seemed pretty dead. When we got off the plane, all I remember is being greeted by some very nice people who asked if we needed anything, told us where we could go to get a good lobster dinner and thanked us for our service. Now, I don't know if they were the same people covered in this documentary, but it's something I have never forgotten. The fact that people came out to meet us and see if we needed anything made an impression on me I'll never forget...

China Beach

My wonderful husband went out and bought me a cool machine the other day and now for the past couple days I have been dubbing China Beach episodes from VCR tapes onto DVDs. It's not been easy...going through the tapes (over and over) to try to dub them in order. Some episodes are pretty messed up, but there is enough there to get the story and/or the gist of it. It's been nice to watch them again - it's been years and years since the last time.

Watching China Beach again brings back memories I had of the time when I first watched it. I was still in High School when it first came out (1988) and I can remember wanting to be McMurphy. I can remember wanting the camaraderie, the friendships that seemed to be forming before my eyes as I watched. I can remember wondering why my father, who went through the same things, didn't seem to have any friends from those days - but that's something to explore on another day.

By the time the third season started, in the fall of 1989, I was a senior and already thinking about the career and friends I would have following the Air Force Academy. I watched China Beach and dreamed about serving my country and making a difference in the world. Then in 1992, I had medical leave from USAFA and stayed with my father in MA for a year. China Beach was in re-runs on Lifetime. Again, I spent time watching China Beach and dreaming of returning the Air Force Academy and the career and friends I would have after graduation.

Fast forward to 1998 and I am getting ready for my first deployment. I was heading out to the United Arab Emirates for 60 days, only 60 days - I wanted to stay longer and I wasn't even there yet. Finally, I was getting to go somewhere and do something. I was going to make a difference. I was going to have new experiences and meet new people - people that would share these experiences and become lifelong friends.

Some of those things I dreamt of actually happened, some didn't. All I can say in the end is that China Beach had a lasting impact. I have never forgotten it, and imagine it is something I will continue to think of, and watch, long into the future...I just wish they would come out with the series on DVD (I am missing one episode from both season three and season four).

During my first deployment, I wrote the following:

Coming Home

Dog tags chanting in the wind –
M-60s pointing at the wire

Tents placed in rows –
uniforms and civies hung side by side

Favorite shows watched again and again –
painting a picture of endless possibilities

M*A*S*H and China Beach –
someone else’s ideas; a dream made real

Doing something important –
something to be proud of

Set apart from others –
by location and sense of duty

A wish to serve –
to go where others won’t

Sunsets over sand dunes –
foreign tongues and customs

The sense of déjà vu –
finally coming home . . .