Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Cave

Quite often I get into a kind of funk where all I want to do is crawl into a cave for a bit and not see or talk with anyone. A serious kind of cave where I don't even want to read or send e-mail. It's not as if I have to see or talk to people when reading or writing an e-mail - but it still seems to be too much at that particular moment. I'm glad I have some very understanding friends, and sometimes sad that I might have lost some friends who were maybe not that understanding. Though I guess if they didn't take the time to understand me, maybe I didn't lose much anyway...

A friend of mine was the first to call it "crawling into my cave." That sounds much better than saying I am antisocial. Especially when you realize that "antisocial" is a personality disorder with the essential features of deceit and manipulation. So maybe antisocial is not really the word I am looking for...

How many other words are out there that we use all the time not realizing they don't mean what we think they mean? Yup, I've got to say it...Princess Bride music playing softly in the background, in a Spanish accent, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"....and then, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die..."

Think about it though - when I say "antisocial" to me it means someone who doesn't want to be social. It doesn't necessarily make me think of psychopaths -which may or may not be the same thing. I guess the word I am really looking for is "asocial" which doesn't even really sound like a real word to me.

Is it any wonder that I didn't do well in college English? Though considering the comments I got on most of my papers, I chalk up my very poor grade to my attention to detail (or lack there of) since I paid more attention to what was in the paper rather than how it was presented.

Back to my main point - the cave. I have been in my cave for a few days now - maybe even a week. It happens quite a bit when my husband is TDY. I have things planned but then don't do all of them. Case in point, OSC Bingo today. I didn't really want to go anyway, but someone called and invited me. Since the husband is gone and I never sleep well when he is gone, I didn't get to sleep until after 0200 and woke up with a headache (no surprise) so I didn't go to Bingo. So, is it me being in my cave or just not wanting to go sit in a room for an undetermined length of time with people I don't know playing a game that reminds me of church socials when I was young?

I have a Kafee Klatch to go to this afternoon. I know one of the ladies and have met two of the others. We will have tea, coffee, whatever and speak German for an hour or so. Since I am going to Germany later this month and haven't spoken it in quite a while - it will probably be good practice. So, I guess I will crawl out of my cave for a bit today and see how it goes.

Do other people have their own version of a cave? They must, if a word has been created to fit the situation. I'm not talking about those people who are afraid to leave their homes. Just people who every once in a while, don't want to be social, who every once in a while, want to just sit and think about life with nothing else going on around them...where are those people? It might be nice to meet them.


  1. Very good insights and I completely understand the feelings you describe. I experience this from time to time, and usually chalk it up to the exhaustion that comes from being an introvert who sometimes must act as an extrovert. Instead of your well-reasoned "cave" metaphor, I've said that "my extrovert muscles are tired," and then I go hide away and don't want to be around anyone from outside, or even answer the phone.

    BTW, I never asked if it is cool to post comments here... sorry! :)

  2. Comments are cool. :) Thanks for reading!

  3. I'm SO not anti-social but I feel cavey on occasion. I've had a tough week, thanks for keeping me company yesterday!