Self-Discipline

Is self-discipline something you can learn?

I used to think I had self-discipline but now I realize I probably never really had any. Back when I was in Junior Miss and I messed up the talent portion and apologized in front of the audience and on live TV - it was because of a lack of self-discipline that kept me from being as well-prepared as I should have been. When I went to basic training and couldn't keep up on the runs - it was because I lacked the self-discipline while in high school to prep enough for the rigors of BCT. When I start and fail diet after diet it's because I lack the self-discipline to follow any plan for more than a week or two (days in some cases).

People used to say I had dedication and perseverance because I never gave up on my dream of attending USAFA. What happened to all that? Where did it go? I fell as if I've lost what little I had and now can't find it...

I've read in several places that people say willpower is like any other muscle in that it has to be used &/or exercised or it will be lost. It seems to me as if that can/should apply to self-discipline as well. Looking at definitions of both they seem pretty darn similar:
Self-discipline: training and control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for personal improvement
Willpower: the ability to control oneself and determine one's actions, the strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes or plans

So, really it seems as if you either have it or you don't. If you don't, you can train yourself to have it. Kind of like kicking any habit - you do it one breath, one decision, one minute at a time until those minutes become days and the days become weeks...? It just seems a bit daunting when you feel as if you're starting with nothing to try and get willpower and/or self-discipline.

Bubba is already 18 months old and repeating almost everything we say and mimicking everything we do. I don't want him learning bad habits from me - whether it be words that I say, the way I react to things, or dealing with food/weight issues. I feel as if I need to get myself under control before I can be a good example for him...not an easy task but I think it is definitely a worthy one.

So, there you have it - one of my many secrets...admitting it to myself and now to you will hopefully help me get started. One breath, one decision, one minute at a time.

CNAS Fellowship

One of the Twitter accounts I follow is the Center for New American Security (CNAS). I follow them for a couple reasons, one of them being that CNAS is the organization that will be coordinating Michelle Obama's new Joining Forces initiative. The other day I saw a tweet that looked interesting "Want to work at CNASdc? We have a sweet new job opening." So, since we are moving back to DC this summer, I thought I'd take a look.

They are looking for a Fellow to focus on the Joining Forces initiative. Which, huh, I've just been reading and blogging about that...

Looking at the requirements, it seems to be a pretty good fit. The background qualifications they are looking for include: Service in the United States Armed Forces and/or experience within the military; College degree required (graduate study is preferred); Demonstrated experience and interest in specific national security and or veterans’ affairs topics; Broad understanding of programs and services for veterans and military families; Project management experience; demonstrated ability to develop and carry out a work plan; Personnel management experience; able to train, supervise, support and work well with others....Like I said, seems to be a pretty good fit since one could say (and I will) that I meet all of those requirements.

Since we are going to be in DC anyway, it seems as if it'd be a really interesting thing to do. It also seems as if its a tailor-made position for me. All the kinds of stuff I'm interested in...only problem would be work hours, my health and keeping family first.

So, we talked about it and decided it can't hurt to apply. If anything it will get my toes back in the water and see how things look/feel out there. If I make it to the interview phase I can address the work hours issue then. If by some chance I get selected, I can always say no if it doesn't seem to fit right after I learn more about it.

I'm excited just thinking about it. I guess if anything this has shown me I need to get a little more involved in stuff outside the home. I obviously am missing something. Whether it's being a part of something or feeling as if I'm making a difference in the world or something I haven't even realized yet...there's something I'm not currently doing if I'm excited (and nervous) just thinking about applying for a job.

Must find resume and get it updated....cross your fingers!
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*Update: Talked to someone over at CNAS this morning (29 Apr), the job is not a Fellowship as I understood it (one year) but is a permanent position. As we are only going to be in DC for one year (maybe more) I'm obviously not looking for a permanent position. Though considering part of the Joining Forces initiative is to support military spouses who change jobs due to military moves, wouldn't I be the perfect candidate to see if they are willing to practice what they preach? Hmm, guess I need to think about this a little more...

Joining Forces

For a few years now I have been volunteering for the National Military Family Association. I don’t do a whole lot other than read stuff I would already read, do training webinars, attend meetings on base as a representative for the Association and once I visited an Operation Purple Camp and wrote a report about it. Despite my lack of participating to the degree I might wish to, I have enjoyed being “in the know” and feeling as if I was doing something positive for military families.

Recently, (12 Apr 11) the First Lady, Michelle Obama, and Dr. Jill Biden launched a new initiative to support military families on a larger, national, scale. So far, their “Joining Forces” initiative seems both comprehensive and ambitious.

The Joining Forces website states “Joining Forces is a national initiative that mobilizes all sectors of society to give our service members and their families the opportunities and support they have earned.  The initiative recognizes that though only “1% of Americans may be fighting our wars, we need 100% of Americans to be supporting our troops and their families.” President Obama showed his support and the importance he places on this initiative when he stated (in prepared remarks) that “no American in uniform has ever served alone: ‘Behind every American in uniform stands a wife or husband; a mother, a father; a son or daughter; a sister or brother. These families — these remarkable families — are the force behind the force.’" As both a Veteran and a military spouse, it’s refreshing to see the Commander in Chief, and the highest echelons of our society, recognize that more needs to be done to show support for our troops and their families.

One good resource for people who want to know more about how to show that support is the National Military Family Association. The Association just released a “How To” guide for supporting military families called “Finding Common Ground: A Toolkit for Communities Supporting Military Families.” According to the Association website, “this toolkit suggests easily-achievable action items and useful resources to guide anyone who wants to support military families, but doesn’t know where to start.” The guide has links to different “communities” such as “Family, Friends, and Neighbors”; “Military Families”; “Community, Civic, and Religious Leaders”; and “State and Local Government Officials” to name a few. Each community link contains “ideas and resources that can start conversations and stimulate action.” I’m not sure if the Association came out with this guide as part of the Joining Forces initiative but either way, it seems as if they go together pretty well.

I’m excited to see what else comes out of this initiative and see if/how it helps the rest of the country to understand a little better what military families go through on a regular basis. For people who have never served and/or never known anyone who has served it’s nice that they now have a place to go to find more information or learn how they can show they care. I’m always surprised when I meet someone who has never had any affiliation with the military yet are supporting our troops and their families. It makes me appreciate what they do even more because they truly are doing it to show their support and not just because they or their family may benefit from their efforts. I hope this new initiative and the Association’s “tool kit” both help to strengthen support for our military families.

Audience of One

I just found a new blog I think I might enjoy by Women Living Well.

The first post I read was an Easter recipe for Resurrection Rolls - each part of the recipe has some meaning regarding Easter. If you make it properly, the roll is EMPTY when you take it out of the oven. Very cool! I can't wait to try it.

The second post I read was about her first failure as a mother. Coincidentally (a God-incidence?), her failure was my own. As much as I wanted to breastfeed my son (for nutrition, bonding, weight loss, etc.) I was not able to do it well. The Little Man was always hungry and no matter what I tried (pumping, Lactation Counselors, etc.) I couldn't feed him what he needed. Over a year later, I still feel as if I somehow failed because I wasn't able to do what is supposed to be so "natural and easy." If I had done something different, would I have been able to provide for him? Who knows?

God Knows!

Courtney ended her post with a Bible verse: "Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you." (I Peter 5:7)

What a great thought! God cares for me. He cares for me. No matter what else I allow myself to think or the doubts I have or the "what if's" I torture myself with...God cares for me. Awesome! Just what I needed to hear...

The final post I read was a list of 25 things about the author...it was the final one on the list that really hit my heart. In this post she again states "God cares for me" (which I guess I really needed to hear today) but she also says "there is an audience of One to please" which made me think of my Tier One post from yesterday. Rather than worrying/thinking about what friends and family may or may not think of me or how much they may or may not care about me - God cares for me! He is really the only One I should be trying to please on a daily basis...

Thank you Women Living Well for the wake up call.

Calling

"...live a life worthy of the calling you have received." — Ephesians 4:1

Pioneer Woman recently posted about a friend of hers who went to India with Compassion International. It wasn't necessarily the post itself or even Compassion International that struck a chord, just the idea of doing something worthwhile to make the world a better place.

The Bible verse above was on the Compassion International website. Of course, I have read the verse before. Yet, today, as every other time I have read this verse, I wondered what if you don't know what your calling is?

At one point in my life, I was sure my calling was to serve my country in the AF. Now, when that is no longer available to me, I am left with wondering, again, what my calling is...

How can you live a life worthy of your calling, if you have no idea what that calling is?

Who You Are vs What You Do

Quite a while ago one of my sisters introduced me to "Daily Om," a website dedicated to "nurturing mind, body and spirit." I get e-mails from them every day with thought provoking articles. Sometimes I read them right away, sometimes I put them in a folder to read/re-read later and sometimes I'm not interested so it gets deleted. that's the beauty of e-mail - I decide what I want to read and when...that's a discussion in itself for another time...

The article I read today was about realizing "You are who you are, not what you do." As usual, I didn't feel as if 100% of it applied to me, but that didn't matter since even the first couple sentences struck a cord: "Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. "

For the last couple years I have had a hard time adjusting to the fact I am no longer an officer in the United States Air Force. Ever since I was 16 years old, all I wanted was to be in the Air Force. Everything I did my last two years in High School was to get an ROTC scholarship or, preferably, to get into the Air Force Academy. Then I struggled, and I mean struggled, to graduate from USAFA, including two years of medical leave due to knee surgeries (and if I'm honest with myself, not as much training/physical therapy as should have been done). Graduating with the class of 1996 instead of 1994 was probably a good thing, for many reasons, but most of all because I felt as if I was starting over with a clean slate. No one in '96 knew how hard my freshman year had been...thus, I was given every opportunity to prove I could handle tough jobs. Whereas had I remained with '94, either I myself or others might have held me back from accomplishing as much as I was capable of - simply due to my less than stellar four degree year. (Another story for another time...)

As an aircraft maintenance officer, I felt as if I had to work harder than everyone else to prove that women could do the job just as well as men - despite the fact that I knew/know nothing about maintenance/mechanics other than what I continuously studied so as not to show my ignorance. I also kept myself apart from others so no one could accuse me of being "soft" or being too friendly with the guys. In other words, I wasn't able to be myself. For ten years, I put the AF and my career above my own needs and desires. I was so successful at putting everything else first, that I no longer knew or even recognized anything different. The way I saw it, what was good for the AF was, in fact, good for me.

Now, I don't have that anymore. I don't have the uniform to hide behind, I don't have the mission to focus on, I don't have the purpose in serving my country...So now, (and something I've been working on for the last two years) I have to figure out "who I am" separate from "what I do."

Sounds pretty easy but as I have found, it's not. At least not for me. I've gone from being a Major in the world's greatest AF to being a dependant spouse (have I mentioned how much I hate that word "dependant"...?) whose main contribution to the world is a blog and blankets (well, other crafts as well, but who besides me really cares about my scrapbooking, and family/friends can only stand so many crafts as gifts...). Doesn't do much for the whole sense of purpose and value thing...

What's my point? I'm not sure if I have one. It's just that the article made me realize, again, how much I have always defined myself by what I do/did. I was AF 24/7/365. And now, how do I define myself when I'm not really doing anything? Do I define myself as a woman who tries to do the right thing...? As someone who loves her friends and family and tries to be there for them, sometimes before they even realize they are in need...? As someone who loves creating "art" even if it's never seen outside my own home...? Yet, aren't all of those still defining myself by what I am doing..?

How do I define myself? As a work in progress...