Friday, September 2, 2011

Fear #2

One of my friends commented on my Fear post from a couple days ago and said one of his greatest fears is "being misunderstood." My immediate thought was that my greatest fear is being ignored or not heard.


Back when I was at the Pentagon I was given a call sign, Ditto. They said it was because I repeat myself all the time. Luckily, it was toward the end of our time there because I was really hurt and offended (thin skin kicking in). I thought because they remarked on (called attention to) a personal "fault" it meant they didn't like me. Every time I opened my mouth I questioned if I was going to be made fun of for repeating myself. So, I think I pretty much stopped talking to most of them and stopped talking in class and/or meetings. 

What a waste. 

Now that several years have passed I can see it a little more clearly. Call signs usually do make fun of something personal...it's possible they meant it as a "welcome to the club" kind of thing and not meanly, the way I took it.

The biggest thing I realized is that I do repeat myself. All the time. I'm so concerned that people hear and understand me that I sometimes say the same thing (again and again) to make sure the other person/people "got it." It's not really a bad thing. I guess it can be annoying for some people but if they're really my friends, they realize that's just one of my things. Plus, if you listen to me and I repeat something then it's a good sign it's something important to me or something that really means something.

Instead of being embarrassed or fearing people will see a weakness in me, I've tried to embrace my "Ditto-ness." Even as I write this post, I'm wondering, have I talked about this before? Maybe I have, but I guess it's important enough to me to talk about more than once.

So, what's your biggest fear and how do you deal with it?

2 comments:

  1. I'm an interrupter. Totally trying to work on that. My biggest fear used to be childbirth but I conquered that one twice. Now it's death. Not being dead, but that "Oh shit" moment where you know your life is over and there's nothing you can do about it. *shiver*

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  2. Steph: yada, yada, yada (where "yada" could be anything)
    Robert: You know, you told me that before.
    Steph: I guess I'm getting repetitive in my old age.
    Robert: You can say that again!

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