Self-Discipline

Is self-discipline something you can learn?

I used to think I had self-discipline but now I realize I probably never really had any. Back when I was in Junior Miss and I messed up the talent portion and apologized in front of the audience and on live TV - it was because of a lack of self-discipline that kept me from being as well-prepared as I should have been. When I went to basic training and couldn't keep up on the runs - it was because I lacked the self-discipline while in high school to prep enough for the rigors of BCT. When I start and fail diet after diet it's because I lack the self-discipline to follow any plan for more than a week or two (days in some cases).

People used to say I had dedication and perseverance because I never gave up on my dream of attending USAFA. What happened to all that? Where did it go? I fell as if I've lost what little I had and now can't find it...

I've read in several places that people say willpower is like any other muscle in that it has to be used &/or exercised or it will be lost. It seems to me as if that can/should apply to self-discipline as well. Looking at definitions of both they seem pretty darn similar:
Self-discipline: training and control of oneself and one's conduct, usually for personal improvement
Willpower: the ability to control oneself and determine one's actions, the strength of will to carry out one's decisions, wishes or plans

So, really it seems as if you either have it or you don't. If you don't, you can train yourself to have it. Kind of like kicking any habit - you do it one breath, one decision, one minute at a time until those minutes become days and the days become weeks...? It just seems a bit daunting when you feel as if you're starting with nothing to try and get willpower and/or self-discipline.

Bubba is already 18 months old and repeating almost everything we say and mimicking everything we do. I don't want him learning bad habits from me - whether it be words that I say, the way I react to things, or dealing with food/weight issues. I feel as if I need to get myself under control before I can be a good example for him...not an easy task but I think it is definitely a worthy one.

So, there you have it - one of my many secrets...admitting it to myself and now to you will hopefully help me get started. One breath, one decision, one minute at a time.

AF Marathon/10K

Over three months ago I blogged (on my other blog) about my inability to "follow through" and how I wanted to change that by training for the 10K race of the 2011 AF Marathon. At the time I discussed how I have always wanted to run a 5K (I have walked several but never run one) but that I shouldn't limit myself to that and should try for the 10K instead. One of the motivating factors for trying for the 10K was that the 54-year-old wife of the CSAF did the 10K...if she can do it at her age, there is really nothing stopping me from doing it except for myself. At the time I wrote the first post, I had 358 days to train - now I have 245 days.

I also discussed why I wanted to do it - to prove to myself I can, to prove that I can set a goal and achieve it, to show myself that I am worthy, etc. I ended with a comment on how even as I was writing, I was already worried about not following through.

Here I am over three months later and I am no closer than I was back then. In fact I can count on one hand (maybe two) the number of times I have taken a walk or walked on the treadmill in the last three months. I don't even have the excuse of cold weather since we have a treadmill in the basement. I even had a reminder on my iPhone to let me know when sign-ups started for the race. I talked to my husband about it for a bit but then didn't do anything about it.

I think for me the problem with following through is that sometimes (often?) I procrastinate for so long that I essentially take action by not taking action. I subconsciously decide I can't do it or won't succeed so by not trying at all, I can fool myself into thinking I may have accomplished it but ran out of time, or didn't try hard enough or some other such excuse.

When will I figure out that it's better to have tried and failed than to be stuck wondering what may have been...? Who knows, if I gave myself half a chance, I might realize that I'm actually good at something I thought I would fail at...I'll never know unless I try...

So, on that note, I just registered for the AF 10K - that's at least one concrete step I can take towards my goal. We'll see how it goes from here...