Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Messed up Friendships

What does it mean when (all of) your friends at one point or another stop talking to you?

Granted being in the military and now as a military spouse, we move a lot so that makes it hard to meet people and keep up friendships. I get that. But somehow it seems as if I must not be a very good friend if people keep dropping me.

When we were at Scott AFB, I made a few friends in the Spouse's Group. Now, I'm rarely, if ever, in contact with any of them. When I am in contact, it's just through a Facebook note or something small like that.

The same goes for friends I made at the Pentagon. I'm "friends" with most of the other Interns on Facebook but even when one or two of them are at the same base as I am, I don't see or speak to any of them. Some of that has to do with my weight and how I feel about myself. Most of it just seems to be that no one feels the need to get together with me. Not feeling sorry for myself here, just wondering why that is?

Now, my best friend (we've known each other since 1997 and have been friends since 1998 or so...) is not speaking to me. She says she's "not 'not talking'" to me. But the last communication I got from her was over two weeks ago. I finally called her and left a message yesterday and she texted me today saying that we're "not not talking" but that she still "needs space" and isn't ready to talk to me yet. It's a long story of why she's not speaking to me but from my point of view it was all a misunderstanding. I'm guessing by her needing so much time & space that there's probably more to it, but if she won't talk to me then I have no idea what she's mad or upset about so I can't make it better or fix it.

The only other person who has ever told me not to call them is my older sister (a whole different convoluted story). I never in a million years would have guessed that my best friend would treat me in the same manner. Nor would I ever have guessed that I'd put the two of them in the same category as to how their actions/words make me feel. Which makes me wonder (as my husband has pointed out) has this friendship reached its end?

So what is it about me that seems to drive people away after a year or two (or eventually...)? What is it that keeps ending these friendships? I know its normal for people to grow apart but it seems as if I'm turning into a serial grow-aparter...

I'm sad and mad at the same time...leaving me not knowing what to do (other than not calling her since she "needs space") or how to deal with my feelings...bottom line, not real happy right now.


  1. Sorry.

    Making friends is hard, keeping friendship is hard, and it only seems to get harder the older I get. Military life and moving around all the time does mean it's hard to form lasting bonds; but there is the counterpoint that Amy and I have friends scattered all over the globe that we love to catch up with whenever possible.

    That level of acquaintance isn't the same as having a true best friend, but it's pretty cool nonetheless.

    Hang in there!

  2. You're right - thanks. I need to concentrate more on my other friends and acquaintances instead of wasting time worrying about things I can't change...